Wyclef Shares Presidential Ideas
August 15, 2010 @ 5:24 PM EDT
News
The Associated Press caught up with Clef on Saturday and the Haiti presidential candidate shared some of his politricks behind dual citizenship and investing in his country. Rock the vote Haiti on November 28th.
headphones around the neck, hoody?
Those damn headphones are everywhere.
its funny cuz he don’t look like presidential material at all…is he all Haiti has?
Bullshit. Nigga don’t know shit about bein a plotician. He’s a musician, not a fucking politician that can help a country that done been through Hell an’ back this year recover. They gon’ need a real leader who knows what the hell he doin’ to get the country back to a non- 100& disaster place. smh
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from now on clef… stay with a suit and a tie.
Haiti got some good leaders but none of them will gain strong support cause theres too many opposition,wyclef coming in brings more light to the election him coming president would really mean he would have to listen to everybody but still cut the b.s because time is running and strong investment is needed.Haiti needs to never be forgotten and in history again.1804
Pay us like you owe us for all the yrs that yall hold us.
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This is a damn shame. People will vote for this man because of the celebrity, but this is a man who can barely run his own affairs. Even if he could, the problems in Haiti are so massive, so overwhelming, that anyone hoping to begin to tackle them should be beyond such basic ideas as foreign investment. Foreign investment comes with infrastracture and security. There is no FDIC in Haiti. How the fuck is this alleged crook going to convince any sizable business to set up shop in Haiti? I’m bored; maybe this is how it might go.
“Um, excuse me, President Jean on the phone, sir.”
“Who?”
“The President of Haiti, sir.”
“Who?”
“‘Anything Can Happen’, the Fugees, um…he’s done a heck of a lot of covers, sir. I am trying to think of some original hit record you might know him for. Um, he has dreadlocks and was recently investigated for tax fraud?”
“Oh, of course I don’t know who you are talking about, but I am sure my daughter loves him. Get me tickets.”
“Sir, he hasn’t performed in a year.”
“Ever since that tax thing, eh? My son hipped me to something the other day, something one of these rap people said. The fat one with the lazy eye. ‘Got…’ I think it goes ‘Got lawyers watching lawyers so I don’t go broke.’ Wise advice, wise advice indeed. Come to think of it, get me a lawyer to watch Wasserstein. I don’t like the way he walks. Who was that who offered that sage counsel?”
“Biggie, sir.”
“Who?”
“Biggie, sir. The Notorious B.I.G..”
“Ah, get me tickets. Missed the boy’s birthday again last month.”
“Sir, he’s…forget it. As you wish, sir.”
“So, this Wyclef, if he’s not going to sing and dance for my daughter, why is he on my phone? Is he…Giles, you swept this place for bugs didn’t you?”
“Every morning at five am, sir.”
“Giles, hee hee, is he going to tapdance for me? Ha ha ha.”
“Very good sir. Very funny. No sir, he…”
“Ha ha ha, that is funny. The press would have a field day with me if that left this office. Like that BP fellow, Heyward, right? I think we have tee time next week.”
“Yes, you do sir. Anyhow, Wyclef…”
“Ha ha ha.”
“Wyclef is now President of Haiti.”
“Really? That’s that…
“…small island off the coast of the U.S., with 80% unemployment, minimal natural resources, and a history of failed dictatorships.”
“Yecch.”
“They suffered an earthquake earlier this year.”
“Ah, one of the tax write-offs. What does he want, more dinero? Ha ha ha. Make him tap dance.”
“Very funny, no sir. He’s hoping that we might set up shop down in Haiti.”
“Who is this again?”
“Wyclef Jean, sir.”
“Where did he go to graduate school? Princeton, Harvard…”
“He did not go to graduate school, sir.”
“Underachiever, then. How about undergraduate.”
“He did not go there either.”
“A President? Surely Giles, you can’t be serious…career military, then. He overthrew the previous dictator? A roaring victory, was it?”
“No. He was elected.”
“You tax my head, Giles. Hmmm…something to that phrenology bit after all. Do we have any stocks in phrenology service firms?”
“No sir.”
“Well, buy some. Buy buy buy! These must be a very backward people, these Haitians. He wants us to do what?”
“Set up shop. He is proposing several million in tax breaks…”
“Have I been there? What are their golf courses like?”
“No, you have not been there, sir.”
“Why not?”
“Security reasons, sir.”
“What’s the per capita?”
“More than 50% live on less than a dollar a day.”
“And you said 80% unemployment, right?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Which means the common folk will be rocking my limo when I touch down. I hate that. Have to get it washed right after. They bang on the glass for food. It makes me feel so dirty.”
“Limos are not advised, sir.”
“It’s that bad?”
“Unless your name is Wyclef Jean?”
“Who? Oh, yes, the tapdancer. Is he still on hold?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Why would we want to do business in a country where the market can’t afford our products, and I can’t get to the golf course without someone’s dirty hands on my limo?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Yes? No, Giles, I want any answer.”
“Well, sir, it’s good public relations…”
“Bah. Pay the girls at Ruder Finn or Ketchum to dance in the background of our next broadcast spot. Better yet, the Hooters girls…they have less talkback in them.”
“…there are tax breaks…”
“We are sheltering money in a country without insurance. We give it, it goes, how do we get it back?”
“…as one of the first firms to commit, you’ll have a leading hand in building a nation…”
“Only covet the power over what you want, Giles. You covet power over everything, you dilute yourself, you weaken yourself. Why would I not go after the emerging markets in Latin America or Iraq for their oilfields? This is like saying, buy spam, so you’ll have spam. I don’t want spam. I don’t want Haiti.”
“And lastly, lastly…”
“Yes, Giles. Make this one good. This had better be good.”
“Um…um…”
“Yes?”
“Well, I hear, their golf courses are nice this time of year.”
“Bravo, Mr. Giles, you certainly have learned to tapdance very well. Thank Mr. Wycliff…is it Clef or Cliff?”
“Clef, sir.”
“Tell him, we are in a bit of a financial crunch right now. The time is not quite right. Our assets are illiquid for the next eighteen to twenty-four months. Close stockholder scrutiny. TARP and all that. And for Godsakes, see if he can’t do a private party. My wife is on the rag again, and will not let up about these children’s birthdays.”
The bullshit I have heard from Wyclef so far is simply not going to cut it, and quite frankly, as a non-Haitian African-American it makes me angry that he’s running. You can see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. This is about his own ego. And this is not hip-hop, where ego is (overindulged but) okay. This is people’s lives he will have in his hands. People keep making jokes about his tax problems, saying at least he’s got the corruption qualification of a Haitian president down. That shit is not funny. If Wyclef wants to do something he can start by releasing the millions of dollars he raised for the Haitian people, that will probably now be his election war chest. He can start there. He wants to shoot for an official diplomatic post, as opposed to that honorary shit he’s had, cool. But this man is making a mockery of an already failed country in dire straits by running for President.
Hip-hop has long been autobiographical. I cannot fuck with the music if I cannot fuck with the man. Wyclef just lost himself a longtime fan. S’okay. I liked Lauryn better anyway.
Damn, all that and this:
“It’s that bad?”
“Unless your name is Wyclef Jean?”
which shoulda been this:
“It’s that bad?”
“Unless your name is Wyclef Jean, sir.”
yeah man, if you’ve just announced your candidacy for president of a country, step out of the musical scene and ally with your political team
haha that beats by dre are doing well…
All that long essay, copy and paste . . . I could do that, easy.
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